My First Dread Questions (From a Curious Bystander)

Dreads' first outing (this happened before I split my skinny, rectangle dread into two pieces and added some twist and rip flavor to my bowl of backcombed happiness). Not exactly public, but the day after my dreads were put in, I went with my fiance to his mother's boyfriend's house for dinner. Before I put my dreads in, I figured they would make me a walking target for dread-related questions, and that was okay with me; I came prepared to answer questions!

My mother-in-law to be has yet to make any comment at all on my hair. Based on my fiance's warnings before I put my dreads in, I'm guessing it's due to shock, but I can't read minds, so I can't say with any certainty. She did tell me that she liked my shirt, though!

Her boyfriend, however, was not so shy, and I was grateful. I'd rather have people ask questions than wonder in silence. He was bewildered by the fact that my dreads were just "there." He is a professor, and he said that when he's seen students with dreads, they were braided. The fact that my hair appeared to be magically holding itself together in clumps had him stumped; didn't I have to braid my hair to get dreads? What had I done? When I told him that each section was backcombed, he asked, "So, will it fall out in the shower then? Do you have to re-do your hair every time you shower?" So I told him that it probably would fall out if I washed my hair right away, but I was planning on using a shower cap for the first couple weeks, until the knots got tight enough, and then I'd be able to wash my dreads as often as I wished without them falling out. To that he commented, "Dreads get pretty matted, don't they? You can't just brush them out. You'll have to shave them off, right?" Then I told him that although I had originally thought that was the case (and it was one of the reasons I hesitated to dread my hair for a while!), with patience, one could undo their dreads without shaving them off.

Some pretty good first questions, I think! Answering them was really fun, but I've always loved sharing my knowledge - however important or petty it might be.

When he said that he thought dreads had to be braided, I wondered to myself whether or not he had the twist and rip method of forming dreads in mind. The next day, I split one of my larger dreads in two and made two new dreads using the twist and rip method, and after seeing them, I'm pretty sure that's exactly what he was thinking. The twist and rip dreads look very much like little braids (see my previous post for a picture). Having a couple of them in my hair adds some character.

Meanwhile, the rest of hair, backcombed as it is, appears to just be hanging out in clumps, almost as if by its own free will - like an uber-duber, crazy-bad case of stringy, clumpy bedhead! And I love it! Can't wait to see how my hair looks as they mature. A little more presentable, I imagine; frizz be tamed!

Family Reaction

When considering dreads, considering the reactions of others - specifically whether or not you are willing/prepared to handle them - is important. Any place I came across that showed how to make dreads seemed to bring this up. I wasn't really worried. Answering strangers' questions about how often (or if) I wash my hair, no problem! Explaining how I made my dreads sounded fun.

One site even suggested that because of how common negative reactions to dreadlocks are, I should tell my family before dreading my hair, so they would be prepared. That idea hadn't even occurred to me! It's my hair, my hairstyle. I wouldn't tell my family before I dyed my hair red or cut it short, would I? No, so why would I bother to tell them before I dread it? But then I decided that maybe it was good advice. Not because I -needed- to, but because telling my family would help them feel like more a part of my life.

I was not prepared for my family's reaction. I was so excited about dreading my hair, that I guess it didn't even occur to me that my family might not share that excitement. And boy, did they NOT share that excitement! With my entire family gathered for Christmas in February (we couldn't get together in December), I announced to my mother, father, sisters and brothers-in-law, and their responses were overwhelming: "why would you want to stop washing and brushing your hair for years?" "your hair's not long enough. Doesn't your hair have to be long enough for you to wipe your armpits with it? I thought that was part of the gig;" "they're so ugly." There were more responses, but those are the ones that stuck the most painfully. From strangers, sure. From family? I don't want to have to deal with that every time I see them with dreads in my hair.

Hopefully, in time, I'll at least be able to explain that it's clean, and maybe some of the jibes will stop. Bombarded with all of those negative reactions at once, I didn't get a chance to really explain that they weren't true. In time, I guess. I hope. Strangers are one thing. Family is another. But as much as it hurt, it doesn't change my mind. Sure, I wish they had been more supportive, but for the most part, they didn't really ask questions (or at least, they didn't give me a chance to answer any of the ones they asked - meaning they didn't really want answers!). I take that to mean that they don't really care. Translation: I'm free to do as I choose. Sure, I'll get ragged on, but frankly, certain members of my family like to tease so much that they'll always find something to poke me with - might as well be my hair.